know i am

for me, the idea of 'be still' presents as a command : and in combination with environmental distraction seems an unlikely and overwhelming request. it is true that with persistence, the likelihood of attention to stillness improves and can (mostly) be attained. a recent discovery is that 'focus' is very helpful. while outside thoughts still attempt to present (and distract), a focus proves unobtrusive in non-doing. further, it seems the compass point of 'focus' should be trained to one's own true north. if the desire is to 'be still and know,' then it may stand to reason that true north is at least in the vicinity of 'knowing.' what is it that you seek? discover your own true north.

in order to follow the yellow-brick-road of discovery it may be necessary to first 'ask.' implicit in ask is an inward look : what am i asking? to whom is my query directed? to go into your own conscience and find the general idea of what you are asking, then to understand that you are, in fact, asking your self : with the knowing that you do know, will bring forth answers. sometimes the meaning of the answers is a bit obscured and there are other, equally important, lessons to learn around the central theme : what am i asking?

to discover what you are asking may come as a surprise.

it may also be a surprise that you don't really know what you're asking for. keep asking ... you are truly making headway in the discovery of your own 'true north.' it sounds a bit odd, but you'll know when it presents - if it feels right and keeps feeling right, it is. also, it is perfectly okay (and actually preferable and expectable) for your cherished dream to metamorphose : be okay with the journey -- your dream is imminent; and actually what there is to learn is that the journey is the destination - all things change, as they are supposed to. your job is to allow. 

sometimes we must discover the concept of true north. i did. this process has taken several years, countless askings and a depth of try i did not know i possessed. 

there was one thing i understood from the very beginning : i am a persistent, determined person. this acute knowing of (and in) myself proved invaluable as i knew myself able and determined to allow nothing to deter my progress. first i had to discover myself 'worthy.' so, when a seeker goes in search of what matters, and of their own purpose, an acknowledgement and gratitude are in order (required) for 'who' and 'where' they are now being, and for their notion of themselves in the (hopefully) not too distant future. 

for myself, i counted on omens - and my recognition of them, as momentum gatherers. i was not disappointed : i allowed and was not disappointed. one of the incidentals i found along the way is that whatever we go in search of, we will find. evidence works no matter what energy we offer into it. seeking evidence of my progress appeared omens in alignment with my search.

i learned with certainty that healing, love, strength, peace and gratitude live in me, and who i am in their presence is who i want to be in the world. i learned that a person does not have to be perfect - and in fact can and will not be, according to laws both societal and cultural.  i also learned that one can absolutely evidence doom, destruction, sadness and trouble by what they seek to find in their thoughts and in their world. 

back to the original thought : be still and know i am.

the rest of that statement is 'god.' 

in reading, arguing with, and ultimately accepting the seemingly scolding nature of 'the impersonal life,' a book written by 'anonymous' (joseph s. benner), published in 1914, did i find the most meaningful discovery of my life :

at first reading this remarkable book is written in such a way as to show a clearly religious person's communication with his creator. this is not my view, (which is why i argued), but there are sufficient numbers of persons for whom the creator is a dictatorial master, a narrow and intimidating entity - to be obeyed and prostrated unto, that it must be so that this view of the creator exists. the lesson for me was that this man was given information and he presented it in the way he thought he should. his nom de plume, anonymous, allowed him the freedom to write it as it came. he left this realm without revealing himself the author of this work. 

the deeper i delved - the more i allowed, the more the miracle it contained showed itself. the book is dictated into a pious and serious human who happened to be a minister of a branch of the religious modality of christianity, and whose translation of what he is tasked with communicating is (almost) scoldful and (almost) offensive to an uninitiated seeker. sometimes in that version of spirituality, fire and brimstone are served up : i gratefully left that a long, long time ago, and felt a bit of the old unrest that version brings me. the book and its message wouldn't leave my psyche, however, so i allowed. i read and re-read and paused and meditated, and was and am grateful for the ability to allow. a bit of determined perseverance reveals the message - just below the surface - can most clearly be seen and heard when the evidence found is 'what is there to learn?'  i discerned the message worth learning, and therefore allowed. when framed in a perspective of love, what i learned is

"Be still! --- and KNOW, --- I AM, --- God." 

a command : imploring attention : an invitation : a path.

within the statement there are several elements, each a lesson in themselves. first we are implored to be still. then we are implored to know. taken as individual elements each contains its own enigma. when looked upon with love, compassion and true desire, the statement in its entirety becomes a lovely invitation:

be still and know i am -- god.

what if the i am of the statement is, actually, us, and that the creator is, actually, inviting us to know ourselves as itself ... restated, i am is us ... each of us; and discovering our own sacred is the way the creator sees itself : through us.

so, my prayer turned inward - sacred in me, i accept your invitation . come - be with me. this is my invitation. i know (and you know) the dream i hold sacred in my heart of hearts, for it is in that place where you are in me : come - let us live there. let me see, as you see, who i am within my dream. i so want to know myself - who i am when i am that. the desire that has be come in me for knowing myself in the living of my precious and wonderful dream, in fact, keeps me moving ever more toward it, and it, ever more toward me. 

in the long ago, you issued an invitation: be still and know i am. 'know i am' is ultimately the mystery - it is the place in me in which you dwell. it is you in me. saying i am is my self speaking to your self, in myself. to know i am is to know who i am in you. what i say i am, i am; and so are you. 

i am is knowing you as me : is knowing me as you, 

so you can know the wonder of you, through me. 

i know it is the sacred dream you hold 

in your heart of hearts - 
that i know you as you know me.