on wrongdoing

the inherent problem with doing something that i, myself, consider 'wrong' is that i, myself, must think about it. i am, by nature and by reputation, a 'good' person; therefore, when i cause my soul to ache by something i have done that i consider to be outside the realm of 'good,' it causes my heart pain. this is the lesson of 'truth will set you free.'

when i keep my own counsel and create my own actions 'clean,' i have nothing upon my heart for which i, myself, must atone. the 'truth' in the instance of doing 'bad' is simply my own hurt.

instead of being able to concentrate upon what i most want to set my mind upon, i find my thoughts making an arrow, piercing my 'good' intentions and lessons with prostrations of that which i have done 'wrong.'

correction seems impossible, although, in order to clean it up (even if only in my own countenance), it must be attempted. this will not heal the 'wrong' in my own soul, as i now know that i have it in me to do wrong. this is the part that must be corrected. i am lucky that the 'wrong' will cause no harm to another, however, i am saddened that i could have done this; even if only to myself.

one day i will find no more ability to cause harm to my own soul. i will know my own conscious 'clean,' and act accordingly.

of course it will pass and all be fine, although i myself must live with my own transgression :

we are a blessed species to be able to change everything with only a thought. 

that which i seek is only a moment away, should i only think it : which is why 'truth' is so important. when i allow myself to do 'wrong,' my thoughts are upon those things, instead of the things i delve to find in myself.

not that i consider myself particularly 'righteous.' i certainly don't, but i do make (most) every attempt to keep my thoughts toward the direction of dreams : of light : of 'right.'

i am a seeker of truth - this much i have learned about myself in this go-around ... and the truth i find most relevant is around (my own) creation of 'good' in the world.

for i know, when it seems that my soul cries out in anguish it is only a lack of love. i have created in me, within one moment, a moment of lovelessness in and for myself. i seek love in this world : as my lungs seek air, as my eyes seek sunrise, as my nostrils seek roses.

my birthright is love : this is imbued by my creator, and as necessary as air, sunrise and roses.

there is no one to forgive me, except me, and i will, in time, forgive myself : and do better.

i am grateful for the opportunity to do better, and so i shall.

thank you. thank you. thank you.