the way appears

 

quit running away from ... begin moving toward ...

running away from __________ only extends the time it takes to see it in the actual rear view. in order to really see ____________ in that rear view, you've got to look forward ... into what's next, whether you can actually see anything there or not. the windshield you're looking through should be clean and free of distractions. you should by now have a sense of the direction you'll head, so set out!

if you don't have a fair sense of your direction, get one! then set out!

of greatest importance is setting out! getting the show on the road! putting one day at a time between here & whatever is there! ... and firm in the knowing that whatever is there will materialize as i set out on the way! 

as you start to walk on the way, the way appears ~rumi

i'm so thrilled in this time to start out on the way! for the first time, i am confident in my own ability : thank you source!

now i simply have to figure out how to quell the addiction; the constancy of a 10 year friendship/relationship/partnership. i know it's important to my forward momentum to do this alone; not try and fill the hole with something bad for me ... or with something good for me. i do not need any holes filled : i must feel myself alone ... feel myself pulling myself away from the overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and call, as i have so many thousands of times over the past years. 

on the way out here to find out the truth of us i heard 3 times in one day how i would simply have to follow my heart : i heard and heeded and did, and found the answers i was looking for : it took a bit of courage to face the truth of it ...

i may talk myself into being righteously angry : or i may talk myself into allowing my anger to meld into the story of the end of us. it is surely the end of us, and even as the ending is thus, so is it the beginning. here is the actual brass ring i've been searching for as long as i can remember!

the thing that hurts the most is that it feels as though you threw us away. even though i did not want to be here, i still was, and it hurt to think how little that meant to you. you are too good at talking out of both sides of your mouth ... i was convinced that you were worth it, and thus i was not. the conundrum was, for me, always whether i should go with your needs or mine. we went with yours for a while, then mine. yours ultimately took the day however, and so that left mine without a home or even an honest intention.

here's what is relevant though : in this time, this lovely, hard, beautiful, sad, hopeful, inevitable moment of endings & beginnings, i choose (because i can) to look forward, through the bright & beautiful windshield and into the sun. i shall watch the clouds gather in my rear view, and wish good rain upon the earth ...

i am whole : i am enough : i am : i am : i am