Friday, March 18, 2016
a while ago i was thinking about breaks : break-ups, break-downs, heart-break, breaking-points, etc.
as defined, break is: smash, shatter, fracture, rupture, split, crack, sever.
in case you were wondering, a person who is stuck tries very hard to run as fast as they can; without realizing the thing in their hand is scissors.
in breaking : up - hearts - downs, etc. i became expert : never intentionally, which is the seeming central theme of the way i did life for most of it. i ended great relationships because they were so great; i ended bad relationships because they were so bad -- i had my heart broken and i broke a few - all of which led inexorably to break-downs in my psyche and self-esteem.
looking at these events from a perspective of healing brings the exquisitely poetic truth that i wouldn't trade any part of any of them for anything.
having your heart broken is one of the great joys in life ... it means you have loved greatly ... and/or lost greatly.
it is said that life is messy, and it is. in itself, this is wonderful and leads to astonishing, life-changing discovery. as with every balance, however, when you reach the realization that you are inviting your life to be messy (and in fact even subconsciously relishing or dwelling in the effects of messy), and the messiness of it begins invading your psyche to the point of creating psychosis around how you see life showing up, you are doing the initial work of 'break-up' (or 'break-down') even if you don't know it yet -- it's important to begin to pay attention to the way you are talking to yourself and what you are feeling in the middle of you at this time.
this, literally, is 'make or break' in the lifespan of relationship - with yourself, and with all others who are in life with you. if they are worth saving, this is the moment to act : if you do not, which i have never had the wherewithal to do (until now, in this present, as it happens), it becomes a matter of timing -- when you leave or ask them to is coming - if (you want to think) it isn't, and you have the ability to live blissfully inauthentic, then do nothing ... but the mere fact that you have identified a truth in yourself - that you are allowing or inviting 'messy,' means you are not all that blissful, or inauthentic.
it seems to me that 'the' breaks - all of them - involve communication ... or lack thereof. how are we communicating with others in our sphere, and with ourselves? in the middle of a break of any kind is understanding - the first half is a veritable mire : the ending half, the stuff of miracles - wayshowing ourselves into healing, as we choose, as we allow. how may i improve my understanding within this question?
life has a way of showing us the lessons we are to learn : it is strictly our option to learn them (or not);and be in the joy of creation out of the ashes, as we may allow.
not all messes can be cleaned up, although most can, if willingness is available on the parts of all involved. this is critical -- if one person is left with all the housekeeping, there is no end of 'messy,' only prolonging.
some messes reach impasse and it becomes more attractive to seek a clean slate. i can tell you, however, a layer of soil over a landfill is still a landfill. if you come to the place of break-up, go ahead -- break-down! let yourself feel what you're feeling -- let your heart break, let your soul ache - and then, if you've done the work in yourself to claim your own culpability in the mess, and have done the work of cleaning up your own messy-ness inside, you'll find that being with you is great!
to learn the right-ness within the feeling of being on the brink of 'disaster' is forward momentum : and is the clear-eyed answer you will find - inside. continuing to look, continuing through grief (within acknowledgement of the significance of 'through'), and awakening daily within the sanctity of fresh eyes will bring that momentum, and the indelible answers we (all) crave ... no matter what it looks like in the moment of 'the throes...'
'to meet the right one,' dr. wayne dyer says, 'you have to be the right one' --
... would you want to be with you?
the really great thing about a 'break' is it gives you a chance to breathe -- regardless of whether it's a break-up, a break-down, heartbreak, taking or catching a break, or breakfast -- all are, in the end, over soon enough ...
namaste traveler ~
Live, Love, Laugh : island girl