Monday, March 21, 2016

long goodbye...

now i have cleaned it all up. i was honest, open and giving ... i was also trapped, longing and missing my life. thank you, dear one for allowing me to see what you knew all along, and that you had predicted : that i was here to rest and to gather energy. you knew (and let me know) that i had something to accomplish, and that i would be here for a time, and that time will be (is) coming to a beautiful and loving end.

thank you for allowing in your heart to love me, and to let me love you; and for showing me what it feels like to be loved, cared for, respected and uplifted. i want you to know that your care renewed my spirit, and gave me a knowing of worthy inside myself. thanks to you i will never allow myself to be emotionally or physically trapped in my life again ... thank you for keeping your promise to hold me close, with arms wide open.

i have thoroughly enjoyed our time together, and am absolutely grateful for the blessing in my life of your wisdom in teaching me so much i did not know. thank you for allowing me to teach you a few things as well. i loved learning by your guidance that i can do anything, and for allowing me to learn this about myself.

thank you for knowing that i was restless and longed for my own dream, even as you tried as hard as you could to bring me into yours. it sounds odd, but thank you for doing what i did not have the courage to do, or the wisdom, or the desire. thank you for allowing me to retain my integrity within this time with you, and thank you for showing me who you really are ... thank you for cheating. yes, that sticks in my craw; yes, i recognize my own culpability. frankly, i don't like being 'the one cheated on' in any way, except the way that i know the truth in it : know that your truth is your longing, and i know that we did (could) not meet each others' needs. still, i wish you had trusted me with the truth (that we both knew anyway), and had not cheated.

i will be fine, even great - i know this.
so will you - i know this too.

thank you, also, for letting me know that you will find your way forward, and that you are certain that i will also. we have had some amazing times together, and for that i am also profoundly grateful. we have shared many laughs, many tears and many, many stories. thank you. and most of all, thank you for being my true friend through it all : that whole 'being my true friend' thing is one you don't get to have back - i'll keep it, thank you very much. i will never not love you - i'll keep that too. it has been sacred to me for the last few years, and remains so ... only trust is gone from who we used to be - and that's not okay. it will take me a bit of time to heal, and i expect it. you should too. also, you are on your way in your new life. i sure hope you can keep up with it! we'll catch up in a while and that'll be just fine ... probably even worth the wait!

as much as i am excited to see my way forward, i am also excited to see yours! here's a cheers! to both of us, sent with as much love as i have in my whole being (and you know that's a lot!). i (choose) to go in peace and to honor the us that was.

it is good that we have been so good together, and too bad that it could not work . i take my share of culpability for that one. i knew that i would not change you, and that i did not want to. i knew that you needed your heart to be shown that it is worthy of great love ~ and it is! is mine.

i choose peace, because i choose peace.

namaste dear one.

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