faced with a choice so similar in substance to choices presented previously, it becomes clear that this particular lesson longs to be learned : again. as this is happening again, and i am aware of actually what is happening (this time), i look with fresh eyes at the options. what i know in me is that the obvious looking oasis is usually a mirage.
will i again go with abandon into a seemingly right direction (full of its own consequence and delay and joy in learning and ecstasy in experiencing), or, will i persevere in my self-created struggle to a conclusion of my own making? the question itself (may) appear an answer...
suddenly i question my commitment to creating this (my that) with only myself : this, it seems, has been the teacher's directive for far too long. i have always believed in the power of love : in all its forms. i sometimes think my experience here would be somehow more complete with more complete relationships -- may i find my way within deep relationship, and never fear them, for they are a beautiful way to be ... this time i choose co-creator, and want the experience of learning to be my best, co-created within the experience of my own best co-creators.
i know i've found 2; but seemingly haven't yet located (or haven't yet allowed) the trinity, to satisfy body, mind and soul in me.
my head says (and sees) that which would assuage (momentarily) an earnest answer to a conundrum i have often faced : what to do about my living situation? my heart knows a different trajectory entirely, one that is solved only with my own fortitude and ability. it is toward my heart that i vow to face this time. the distinction, this time, is the answer to the question that has presented over and over and over : "what will i do next time?" has finally perforated the veil and shown itself as my true path. ahhh, how good to know this, cerebrally. its clarity brings great peace to me ... all the while knowing that i do not yet see my way forward, i do know it. blessings! thanks! and thanks! and thanks! to you, that which is, for the blessing of clarity. amen.
namaste : holy trinity ... wholly co-creating.